It was just one of those days. Those days when absolutely nothing seems to go right.
I come home after a tedious day's work to find that my LO is having bouts of loose motions.....(Again!)
The only emotional state I find myself in after becoming a mother is worry...worry..worry...all the time. Worry whether she is eating right, sleepign right, pooping right....
And lo...am also out of diapers. I decide I have to rush to the nearby medical store before I get the requisite to pay a visit to the paed. Its in this highly fluttered state that I find myself at behind an elderly couple in queue. The husband had a fistful of bills in one hand and was going over calculations of probably over a month. I was like "Why me? Why does it have to be always me??"
The guy at the counter was calculating, recalculating and just going on and on and on...... I had half the mind to just barge in and say something really rude..when he finally came out the final figure of "Eight thousand eight hundred and seventy three!!"
Finally I thought as I let out a sigh of relief, it was then that I noticed the lady. Her husband's back was still turned towards me and seems like he still had issues with the final bill. She raised her eyebrows and murmered in Hindi "one shouldnt be living at this price...." and turned towards me. She realized I heard and gave me a knowing smile.
"three tumours in a week..." she continued smiling at me....and devil that I was...I kept thinking to myself..."lady I work in insurance, I've heard sadder stories"...she went on to detail her ailments, she had brain tumour...I wasnt sure of the specifics...and neither was I interested....and my eye wandered to her profile. She might have been pretty at her age...because she still had that old world charm, twinkling eyes, pepper grey curly hair rolled into a bun at the back, graceful sari, kind smile.
She went on chattering of how she had a daughter who looks just like me and is studying...thin n blah blah blah....in between she would slap my arm playfully. And I began to think that she was a borderline eccentric
"son works far away, not possibel to travel everyday to Vashi. He shifted 18 years ago. Husband in front of tv always...wont talk. So whenever I get a chance to go outside I go along because it feels so refreshing...whats the use worrying......"
That statement of hers....somewhere pulled a chord within me. It was not her ailment that was killing her. It was her loneliness....
and the entire misery of that person just flashed upon me. I, who so indifferent to this stranger suddenly felt tears rising...and I had to look away for a second.
"you might be studying no?" she asked. "No" I replied. "I am working, married and have a child".
I dont know why but her smile just vanished from her face. Was she disappointed that she guessed wrong? I wasnt like her daughter who is still studying? or was it something else I said?
she moved on to talk to somebody behind me as her husband just finished off the settlement at the payment counter.
I still think about her....
do i feel sorry for her? I am not quite sure....because I feel there was a bit of me in her.....
